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What's your sleep like?
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When I get a full night of sleep it’s amazing. Alas, not lately.
I do understand. And empathise. Pretty much completely.
Same here. I hope you have a restful sleep tonight.
Thank you. And likewise.
What you are going through - enduring - now is extraordinarily stressful.
Recognising it, and accepting it and adjusting to it - that changed relationship where the parent - the lodestar of one's life - becomes the dependent and looks to you for support and comfort becoming needy (and yes, selfish) in the process - is exceptionally stressful and upsetting - I found it excruciatingly agonising at first.
But, as with lobsters being boiled (the analogy used by the best student I ever taught, whose son is autistic) you adjust and acclimatise. You do, - you change - because you have to. But, you cannot do it without profound and transformational metamorphosis.
With the twenty-twenty vision of hindsight, if anyone had told me what lay ahead of me in 2011-2012, when I first had to take responsibility for my mother's care - something that marked the end of my "old life" as I knew it - I think I would have wanted to crawl under a rock and asked to be awakened when it was all over.
However, the emotional, or psychological "pay-off" perhaps bizarrely and paradoxically, is now.
Although shattered, grief-stricken, heartbroken and devastated, I am at peace, and am easy and tranquil with what happened - or rather, how it happened. There is grief but no guilt, sorrow but no regrets.
Now, I can look at myself in the mirror; yes, I am overweight, but - psychologically - I am at peace with myself and at ease in my own skin.
My mother's room has a lovely ambience and atmosphere - I have already mentioned how the auctioneer remarked last week on the atmosphere of the house, stressing that it was lovely - "you can tell that people were loved here".
When I do - finally - manage to fall asleep, the sleep is actually okay.
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@Scepticalscribe thank you for constantly sharing those experiences.
I wish I was not so cranky, but I know that is par for the course. Thankfully mom and I ignore each other after a certain point. We understand.
That is part of the sleeplessness, it is also other things (physical changes etc.)
I am glad you are at peace with yourself.
Thanks.
I wish I was not so cranky, but I know that is par for the course. Thankfully mom and I ignore each other after a certain point. We understand.
That is part of the sleeplessness, it is also other things (physical changes etc.)
I am glad you are at peace with yourself.
Thanks.
Ah, I do know that crankiness; first hand.
My temper and fuse became terrifyingly short around 2012, and my tolerance and patience with fools vastly eroded.
You will shed (or they will shed themselves) those who are superfluous, who cannot give any support, who are terrified at the thought that they might be asked to do something, or who cannot even bear to listen to an occasional vented explosion from you.
You will not hear from them for years (some turned up at - or after - my mother's funeral).
Wheat from chaff - it is a brutal (but, at the time, very hurtful) culling experience. But useful, and necessary.
For this is how you learn who is worth staying in touch with. The real friends will show support in the subtle ways that they can.
What you must demand (and have every right to demand) from your mother is your right to your own space.
I have a vivid memory of throwing my mother out of my study one evening in 2012; she (who respected privacy, we are a family of introverts with a large, vast and considerable respect for personal and psychological space) had come in to me, to chat; she was (I now know) frightened and distressed and wanted reassurance.
Unfortunately, I was close to the end of my tether, stressed almost beyond endurance - I couldn't give her reassurance, that was what I wanted for myself - I wanted my mother to be a mother, not a frightened child - and I desperately wanted some privacy and space and peace . And so, I roared at her to get out and leave me alone, and she, poor thing, left silently to the living room where the television was.
Do I regret that? Of course.
However, do I also remind myself that we did a brilliant job of minding my mother and caring for her at home with love until the end of her days, and that we are human, not divine, and thus, far from perfect.
I roared at her rarely - that was the only time that wasn't occasioned as a result of a nocturnal ramble, and, in the wider scheme of things, it matters not at all.
You have to be kind to yourself and be gentle with yourself, @kazmac; perfection is not possible, but, you know, what is good enough, when delivered with care and love, is more than good enough.
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I usually sleep a lot better then I sometimes think. Especially when I think I need more. Have a sleep tracker on my pulsclock is really great. It’s pretty accurate too.
Both meditation and ashtanga increases sleep quality.
If I get around 60+ hrs good sleep every week I’m happy, and I do.
I’ve realized that if I get a few nights a week of longer like 10-12 hrs sleep, some shorter sleep nights is fine too. It’s the deep and undisturbed sleep that really matters though.
Both meditation and ashtanga increases sleep quality.
If I get around 60+ hrs good sleep every week I’m happy, and I do.
I’ve realized that if I get a few nights a week of longer like 10-12 hrs sleep, some shorter sleep nights is fine too. It’s the deep and undisturbed sleep that really matters though.
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Well, after realizing that I actually had been feeling tired much of the time lately - which sort of snuck up on me - I asked my dr about it and he arranged a sleep study. The result was that I have a mild to moderate case of sleep apnea, which means I stop breathing periodically while asleep. This condition, which apparently is quite common, has all sorts of nasty effects, like causing high blood pressure, memory impairment, ability to concentrate, even road rage (this surprised me). It’s also hard on the heart.
So I was prescribed a CPAP machine, which basically provides positive air pressure and ensures that I don’t stop breathing, thereby improving the quality of sleep. Last night was my first night wearing it, and it is going to take some getting used to. But I am optimistic.
I’m going to give it a month to see how it goes.
So I was prescribed a CPAP machine, which basically provides positive air pressure and ensures that I don’t stop breathing, thereby improving the quality of sleep. Last night was my first night wearing it, and it is going to take some getting used to. But I am optimistic.
I’m going to give it a month to see how it goes.
My wife uses a machine, and I wonder how it does not dry the heck out of your sinuses. There maybe an attachment to add water, but she does not use it. The machine is noisy, but not as noisy as snoring. I still wear ear plugs, but the machine noise is more of a white noise and not as jarring as hard core snoring, snorting.
Is it a newer machine? Mine’s pretty quiet.
I have the humidity set right in the middle of the range, and will adjust as needed. So far, so good.
I sleep like the proverbial rock. So far anyway. It might be a genetic thing... I'm not the only one in my family like this: I resist going to sleep philosophically but that doesn't translate to how my body looks at things, and I will suddenly just reach a point when no matter what I'm doing, my body says
So I hit pause on the movie or stick a bookmark in the book and head upstairs, which somehow gives me energy and just enough second wind and false optimism to think "oh I know, my audiobook!"
Right so then I hit play on some audiobook with the timer insouciantly set to some big number of minutes... and I end up rewinding it to point of memory next morning... usually five or ten minutes into the thing LOL.
Not sure why I bother with that audiobook effort. It's not like I do that when I'm sleeping elsewhere, and still I fall asleep in minutes. Habits die hard I suppose. But the only practical use of audiobooks for me is downstairs and usually while I'm sewing or cutting fabric. The upstairs audiobook, whatever it is, eventually has to come downstairs if I mean to finish it.
Nothing, not even good company or prospect of things other than sleeping that a bed might offer has ever kept me from crashing about five minutes after my body says ok it's time to get some shuteye. Any guy who was ever a fixture in my life for some length of time had to get used to that and figure on our conducting romantic adventures well ahead of my apparently immovable crash-clock.
ok well you are about 45 seconds from sleep now so if you want to sleep on the couch, keep doing whatever you're doing because that's where you'll wake up in the morning.
So I hit pause on the movie or stick a bookmark in the book and head upstairs, which somehow gives me energy and just enough second wind and false optimism to think "oh I know, my audiobook!"
Right so then I hit play on some audiobook with the timer insouciantly set to some big number of minutes... and I end up rewinding it to point of memory next morning... usually five or ten minutes into the thing LOL.
Not sure why I bother with that audiobook effort. It's not like I do that when I'm sleeping elsewhere, and still I fall asleep in minutes. Habits die hard I suppose. But the only practical use of audiobooks for me is downstairs and usually while I'm sewing or cutting fabric. The upstairs audiobook, whatever it is, eventually has to come downstairs if I mean to finish it.
Nothing, not even good company or prospect of things other than sleeping that a bed might offer has ever kept me from crashing about five minutes after my body says ok it's time to get some shuteye. Any guy who was ever a fixture in my life for some length of time had to get used to that and figure on our conducting romantic adventures well ahead of my apparently immovable crash-clock.
Most times I lay down and brain disconnects within a couple of minutes, and off to sleep I go.I sleep like the proverbial rock. So far anyway. It might be a genetic thing... I'm not the only one in my family like this: I resist going to sleep philosophically but that doesn't translate to how my body looks at things, and I will suddenly just reach a point when no matter what I'm doing, my body says
ok well you are about 45 seconds from sleep now so if you want to sleep on the couch, keep doing whatever you're doing because that's where you'll wake up in the morning.
So I hit pause on the movie or stick a bookmark in the book and head upstairs, which somehow gives me energy and just enough second wind and false optimism to think "oh I know, my audiobook!"
Right so then I hit play on some audiobook with the timer insouciantly set to some big number of minutes... and I end up rewinding it to point of memory next morning... usually five or ten minutes into the thing LOL.
Not sure why I bother with that audiobook effort. It's not like I do that when I'm sleeping elsewhere, and still I fall asleep in minutes. Habits die hard I suppose. But the only practical use of audiobooks for me is downstairs and usually while I'm sewing or cutting fabric. The upstairs audiobook, whatever it is, eventually has to come downstairs if I mean to finish it.
Nothing, not even good company or prospect of things other than sleeping that a bed might offer has ever kept me from crashing about five minutes after my body says ok it's time to get some shuteye. Any guy who was ever a fixture in my life for some length of time had to get used to that and figure on our conducting romantic adventures well ahead of my apparently immovable crash-clock.
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Sorry to hear that.
Here’s Why You Keep Waking Up in the Middle of the Night, According to Doctors
Anyone else have this problem?! 😴
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Last night, I had a restless and unsettled night's sleep, but - most of the time, these days, I seem to sleep pretty well.
Moreover, by late afternoon, or early evening (especially when I am deployed abroad), - and, sometimes, even early in the night, I have some version of @LizKat's warning of "you will be out cold in a matter of a very few minutes, so now is the time to find somewhere comfortable, a nearby sofa, or risk climbing the stairs to a nice, cosy bed".
Moreover, by late afternoon, or early evening (especially when I am deployed abroad), - and, sometimes, even early in the night, I have some version of @LizKat's warning of "you will be out cold in a matter of a very few minutes, so now is the time to find somewhere comfortable, a nearby sofa, or risk climbing the stairs to a nice, cosy bed".
Probably stress, possibly mild depression but I slept amazing right now, only up at 6 since my internal clock is set for that due to weekdays. I should get back on track to normal sleep, I’ve always been lucky that I can fall asleep almost instantly and sleep through basically anything.Most times I lay down and brain disconnects within a couple of minutes, and off to sleep I go.
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Sorry to hear that.
Maybe related?Here’s Why You Keep Waking Up in the Middle of the Night, According to Doctors
Anyone else have this problem?! 😴www.prevention.com
What I have noticed in my vast experience of three nights using this thing, is that if the seal breaks on the mask, even a little bit, it gets quite noisy. I’ve been fiddling with the adjustment to keep this from happening, and may have to try a different type of mask if that doesn’t work out.
On the other hand, if it’s the machine itself that’s noisy, not sure what you can do about that.
EDIT. Other than purchasing a different machine.
Switched to the full face mask a couple of days ago, and no problems with leaking air. Slept pretty well last night. It will be interesting to see how I feel in another week or two.
I hear from multiple people who use a sleep apnea machine that they can no longer sleep if they are not using it.
Could be. I’m giving it a try to see if the benefits are worth the potential risks. We’ll see.
