MacFan782040 said:
Wow, guys I'm all really suprized on the amount of criticism here.
Oh, c'mon. Everyone is a Monday morning quarterback on the internet.
I wanted to post it because it was (I thought) somewhat entertaining.
And now you are getting feedback and finding out it's not as funny as you'd thought. 'Tis the double-edged sword of showing your work in public.
Heck, somebody could have posted a "jackass" type video with just cropped clips one after another and you probably would have liked it better.
Only if it was funny.
Capt Underpants said:
Holy crap, people. This isn't a freakin blockbuster movie here.
And no one expected it to be. But I think people were hoping to be entertained.
Four guys wanted to have some fun, so they made a video.
Having fun making a video is different than making a video people will have fun watching. This is why vacation videos are usually so painful to watch. When you are making a video you have to divorce yourself from everything that is not explicitly on the screen. You can't bring any emotional baggage or prior knowledge w/you when you watch your piece. You have to watch it like you've never seen it before, and that's one of the first hurdles you have to learn to avoid as a storyteller (and it's one that can always sneak up on you if you are not careful)
Careful, this is probably gonna be long winded.
All in all I think the video would qualify as a good first or second draft. As I understand it you had 5 days to write/shoot/edit a 5 minute video for a class. You had the right idea to pick a story idea that is simple, familiar and universal (David & Goliath basically). This allows your audience to jump right in 'cause they are pretty familiar w/the basics of what's going on. Your downfall though was in the execution of the idea. As I understand it the protagonist is sad he doesnt have a trophy in the trophy case, so he trains to beat the local ping-pong bad@ss, makes a nailing biting come-back to win the day, and proudly adds his trophy to the case. Im basing the rest of my post off this assumption so I hope its not too wrong.
First off, its way too long. You could easily cut it in half. A good start would be to take every shot in the video and cut it in half. Literally. Editing is about rhythm, tempo, beat, and pacing. And when you are doing comedy its even more important (5 frames can be the difference between getting a laugh or a shrug). Comedy has to be tight. The tighter the better. You arent going to see an hour long comedy on TV (comedys are 30min and dramas are 60min), and you arent going to see an epic, 3hr long comedy at the theater. You just cant sustain comedy for that long.
Every edit you make, every shot, every thing on that screen should be there for a reason. It should have a purpose. It should carry the story forward. No matter how much you like a certain shot or event, if it doesnt move the story forward it has to go. If it doesnt leave your audience will leave cause they are bored cause your story isnt going anywhere.
Just some random suggestions follow...
Im assuming in the opening scene our Hero is going Gee, I wish I had a trophy in the trophy case, but thats not very clear at all (and didnt even start becoming clear until the end of the film). This is bad cause its the first 5 seconds of the film and the audience is already lost. Speaking of being lost, the villain just seems to come out of no where. A way to solve this would be to introduce the villain in the first scene. For example, the hero is looking at the trophy case, the villain walks into frame, pushes the hero out of the way and puts a big trophy into the case. A short, simple scene like that goes a long way:
1. It introduces the villain
2. It shows that the villain is a d*ck (he pushes the hero)
3. It shows that the villain is a top dog (the big trophy)
4. It makes the audience dislike the villain (see #2)
5. It gives our hero a goal/motivation (to beat the villain)
6. It gives the audience an emotional connection w/the hero (weve all been bullied)
Now when we go into the training scene it will make more sense because we know why the hero is so determined (cut the running in half).
The funny boxing gloves are funny. But not funny w/in the context of this movie. IMO some sort of over-the-top Forrest Gump spoof (Gump practicing ping-pong against the wall) would have made more sense and been funnier. You did the weightlifting gag backwards. Show the hero working his butt off THEN show that hes struggling w/a tiny amount of weight.
The ping-pong table out in the middle of the field was funny. But the match lasted way, way too long. And I dont think you shouldve used a tripod at all. The handheld work gives it a shaky/uncertain feel (which helps lend tension to the match). The flashback to the trophy was a good idea, but lasted too long.
A quick flash of the trophy, close-up of heros face full of new found determination, close-up of heros hand gripping the paddle, he crashes a return right past the villain, close-up of villain pissed off, BAM, the battle begins anew.
All of that takes 2 seconds or less.
Speaking of close-ups
You could have used more of them. The wider the shot the more impersonal it is. The more impersonal you are as a storyteller the less you are influencing your audience. Movies can get away w/wider shots because they are intended to be viewed on giant movie screens and not tiny (relatively speaking) TVs. The next time you watch TV see how often they cut to a close-up and why they cut to the close-up. What is going on in the scene that makes the storyteller want the audience to see the characters face so clearly?
Of course all of this is just my opinion of some things that might have helped.
Hopefully it wasnt too long winded.
Lethal
