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Looking for apology gift ideas for my girlfriend.
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Flowers are a nice cliché - they bring colour and life into our unnatural existence, at least for a time. But spending time with a lover is is far more precious, and it is not mutually exclusive with sappy romantic gestures like flowers. Also, what does the girlfriend enjoy doing? Finding a shared hobby or interest helps.
Take it from a divorcée: There are two reasons for not spending enough time with your partner: (1) you're unintentionally being a narcissistic prat focusing on other priorities that you must re-evaluate; or (2) you don't want to spend time with her because you no longer love her. If the former, then you'd better act before she concludes the latter. If the latter, then end the romantic relationship, resolve to be friends, and move on. In both cases, life is short - tick, tock.
Take it from a divorcée: There are two reasons for not spending enough time with your partner: (1) you're unintentionally being a narcissistic prat focusing on other priorities that you must re-evaluate; or (2) you don't want to spend time with her because you no longer love her. If the former, then you'd better act before she concludes the latter. If the latter, then end the romantic relationship, resolve to be friends, and move on. In both cases, life is short - tick, tock.
same here! Married to a teacher, and I have been preparing her morning cappuccino every single day. It’s a small gesture that allows the both of us to start the morning in a good way.
completely agree. Communication (and honesty) is crucial. As for observation, my wife now knows when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed by how I prepare her morning cappuccino. Don’t ask me what’s different in my cappuccino making, but she does notice.
Hear! The focus is on the hidden word within “spending time”: quality.
I’ve preached for years on this verify forum
about this but there is very little that I find more saddening than observing people and families at the restaurant glued to their phones. Sometimes they barely exchange a word, and if kids are at the table they often have colored devices in front of their eyes. It’s frustrating and pathetic. Seeing young couples that never say a word to each other is deplorable.
Exactly what I was thinking, giver her your time is what is most important. Focus on her. Go away for a weekend, book her in for a spa day if she likes that. And have a dinner at somewhere she likes. Try to arrange it as a surprise too.
I am not an expert but just for the balance of things some might say that it is important to make sure that your GF reaching out to you enthusiastically was not her way to apologise for some transgression(however small) on her part. After all relationships are very complex.
No surprises.
Seriously, surprises backfire, and can backfire catastrophically.
Anticipation (the pleasure of anticipation) is a lot better than "surprises" that can get timing (personal and professional) - and other possible commitments - catastrophically wrong.
Spa, dinner, week-end away, yes, excellent ideas if that is what she may like, but not without her input re time (in other words, her input re "when" best suits her), venue, and activity.
I think that's going to depend entirely on the relationship. I have a pretty good understanding of what my wife likes and we know each other's schedule quite well. I literally surprised my wife with a trip to Mexico this past summer and she absolutely had a ball. Saying that, I didn't surprise her with our trip to Italy as I knew she'd need time to shop and prepare.
The best apology gift you can give someone is a sincere apology followed by a discussion of what steps you can take to prevent the problem from repeating itself. This will let them know you’re interested in improving the relationship and their wellbeing.
Did a like emoji then changed to a laughing one seeing the last sentence.. funny as surely Italy is one of the best places to shop? And expensive I imagine too!
Yes, lots of great shopping to do but certainly wasn't how we wanted to spend our first few days there.
There was just so much beautiful architecture, museums, landscapes, hot springs, etc. We wanted to spend more of our time doing those things than shopping. Although, she did get purchase quite a few items on our lighter days.
Perhaps she didn't like the gift and told him the relationship is over
The gift - as many on this thread (including your humble scribe) have patiently explained, or attempted to explain - was basically, somewhat missing the point, or, was running the risk of missing the point, and was possibly a desperate and doomed attempt to retrieve a situation that may have already become irretrievable.
And the person.
Surprises in my wife's life have routinely ended in emotional hurt and physical injury. Surprises in my life have routinely ended in rage.
I do surprise my wife, with small things. Ice cream from the store she was not expecting, stuff like that. But bigger things require letting her know.
Perhaps OP is focusing on her and not us. 🤷♂️
One can hope…
One can indeed hope that this may be the case.
Isn't that a given since each romantic relationship will have unique individuals involved?
I suppose…but I've dealt with many people in my life who thought surprising me would be okay. They just assumed. Technically, a good surprise is okay, but a lot of assumptions people make that I am a 'normal person' often wind up making me irritated instead.
Maybe that's just because they didn't know me better, IDK.
My wife didn't surprise me because it wasn't anything she cared for herself. So she didn't do it to anyone else. She only found out later in our relationship that I was not the type of person that liked surprises.
Exactly.
Well said.
Not a fan of surprises, myself.
Excellent, and very well said.
In general, surprises - especially surprises with anything other than small things - are not a good idea, and can be catastrophic in their consequences.
Let the person know in advance.
Again, bravo, very well said.
Such surprises - based on assumptions, and assuming automatic gratitude - may lead instead (as you so rightly point out) to a range of emotions that run the gamut from irked, or irritated, all the way to rage.
What you said above is the crux of it. These people didn't know you well at the time. A relationship of a few years will be different than a relationship of over a dozen years. I think my wife knows me better than myself when she surprises me at times. That really was my point, all relationships are different.
It is not just my experience, but it is also, my character, or temperament.
In general, I don't like surprises, not professionally, and certainly not personally.