Corny Jokes and One Liners

[samiwas]

What do you call a fish with no eye?
A fsh. (I guess this really only works verbally)

Why do chicken coops have only two doors?
Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
For drizzle.

What does Snoop Dogg wash his clothes with?
Blee-ach.

 

[RawBert]

I have some good ones but they're all racist. So here are these...

• Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
• If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

 

[Firestar]

(This one's kinda bad.)

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

 

[DollFaceDork]

That would make anyone cry! Hahaha.


3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

 

[kolax]

Viagra eye drops. 
They make you look hard.

New years resolution: Stop using spray on deodorant....
Roll on 2011

Police are warning of a new 'Alphabet Bomb'.
 If it goes off, it could spell disaster.

Punctuation: 
The difference between “Helping your Uncle, Jack, off his horse.” and "Helping your uncle jack off his horse."

Wikileaks for kids: There's no Santa

Thesaurus.... The most knowledgeable of all dinosaurs.

I'm wearing that new breadcrumb scented after-shave...
The birds love it.

http://www.conjunctivitis.com - 
A site for sore eyes.

Hot air balloon theft. It's on the rise.

Dead budgie for sale. Not going cheap.

 

[iJohnHenry]

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Why the long face?"

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.

 

[Tomorrow]

Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with Rogaine?

A: Don King
- - - - -
Q: What do you get when you cross an Agnostic, a Dyslexic, and an Insomniac?

A: Someone who lies in bed awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.
- - - - -
A guy walks into a bar with a flamingo on his head. Bartender says, "Hey, where'd you get that?" Flamingo says, "Oh, I won him in a poker game."

 

[Firestar]

That would make anyone cry! Hahaha.

That's the point, you were expecting something about his proffession being plumbing. But nope.

 

[DollFaceDork]

Ahaha well exactly... I guess.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

Now take my wife.

Please.

(R.I.P. Rodney)

-sigh-

I have some good ones but they're all racist. So here are these...

That;s why god created PMs.....

 

[(marc)]

I have some good ones but they're all racist. So here are these...

Well, now that you teased us, you have to post them

 

[r0n1n]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, 'I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

 

[Abstract]

(This one's kinda bad.)

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

LOL.


I only like really perverse jokes that may offend or disgust someone in some way, so yours wins the thread (for me).

This probably isn't the place to post even worse, though.

 

[iJohnHenry]

LOL.

Nope, I'm not too proud to admit that I don't get that one.

Someone please take pity on me?

 

[Mac'nCheese]

Nope, I'm not too proud to admit that I don't get that one.

Someone please take pity on me?

The plumber one?

 

[Firestar]

(This one's kinda bad.)

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

Nope, I'm not too proud to admit that I don't get that one.

Someone please take pity on me?

^This one?

When I said plumber, you probably would think the way to make him cry would have some relation to him being a plumber, but instead it was a way that would make most people cry...

 

[Comeagain?]

(This one's kinda bad.)

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

How do you make an Apple Fanboy cry?

Don't release Lion!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[toxictrix]

Why was the pencil in the toilet?


It was a #2

 

[iJohnHenry]

^This one?

When I said plumber, you probably would think the way to make him cry would have some relation to him being a plumber, but instead it was a way that would make most people cry...

Ah, I overlooked the obvious.

Not sure how I feel about that.

I may have to seek you out, and give you a good thrashing.

Without warning.

 

[snberk103]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, hanging on a wall?

Art.

What do you call his arms and legs?

Pieces of Art.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

What do you call a man with no arms or legs, hanging on a wall?

Art.

What do you call his arms and legs?

Pieces of Art.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the water?

Bob.

What do you call a man with one leg?

Neil.

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

 

[quizzi]

Alright I'll give it a shot...

• I was reading a book on anti-gravity, I gotta admit it was pretty hard to put down.

• Did you hear about the guy who got sliced up on his left side? He's all right now.

• There was this sign outside a drug rehab yesterday, it said 'keep off the grass'.

• Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.

• The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

• Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

• The cartoonist was found dead in his home this morning. Details are a little sketchy.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.

 

[borisiii]

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...

 

[Mac'nCheese]

Two ducks are in a bathtub. The first duck says "pass the soap." The second duck says, "No soap, radio."