Completely quitting social media gets lonely.

[tweaknmod]

Like, in a deeper way than I would have expected.

I have a wife, kid, and large family who I love, but no friends who I speak with regularly. I'm only now noticing how much socials took up that need for me, until I stopped them completely.

Now, when I think of something I think is clever, I write it down, and.... nothing. The page doesn't eventually get a like 10 min later, and maybe three more over the course of a thrilling hour. It's ********.

^ this outlines a problem I don't think enough of us – myself included, obviously – talk about and admit.

I had this stupid little thought tonight while watching Marc Rebillet and envying all the people there in the moment, while I was on the other side of the camera.

 

[circatee]

I stopped with social media a few months back. Yes, when I did, things seemed quieter. Now, I tend to text my friends more often, and that seems to help somewhat.

I will add, overall, I feel better, mentally, having stopped using social media...

 

[rm5]

Social media has allowed me to make as close to friends as I can. I'm a big introvert, and I've never really made the effort to make friends in the traditional sense, and most people I know are just acquaintances. Don't get me wrong, I spend plenty of time with family, which I love doing, and I spend plenty of time out of the house. I don't think I would feel lonely without social media, because I have lots of "social" activities that I do regularly, but what I think I would lose are those people that I've actually gotten to know pretty well through social media. Obviously there are things that are deeply upsetting about it, but I haven't let those things get in my way, or gotten to a point where I can't live a full life because of it (and heaven forbid that happens).

 

[tweaknmod]

Social media has allowed me to make as close to friends as I can. I'm a big introvert, and I've never really made the effort to make friends in the traditional sense, and most people I know are just acquaintances. Don't get me wrong, I spend plenty of time with family, which I love doing, and I spend plenty of time out of the house. I don't think I would feel lonely without social media, because I have lots of "social" activities that I do regularly, but what I think I would lose are those people that I've actually gotten to know pretty well through social media. Obviously there are things that are deeply upsetting about it, but I haven't let those things get in my way, or gotten to a point where I can't live a full life because of it (and heaven forbid that happens).

I’m so sorry - I wasn’t saying that people who enjoy social media are wrong; just my perspective
I’m happy it’s helped you! It helped me at many points in my life, honestly

 

[ucfgrad93]

I’m not on any social media, and have no plans to change that. I get enough interaction with my coworkers at Sam’s Club and my congregation.

 

[maflynn]

I've left twitter, and my FB activity is a bare minimum. There's town pages that I find helpful, I don't really post anything personal on FB anymore.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Never joined FB or Twitter. Never will.
I have no idea how many likes I get on here. I never look. It’s irrelevant to me.
My self worth is not tied up in how popular or unpopular I am.

 

[FreakinEurekan]

I thought THIS was social media? 🧐

Seriously though, I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve deleted my Twitter and NextDoor accounts, and use Facebook only to access a couple of hobby-specific groups (unfriended everyone but immediate family). MacRumors is my only social media site left. Do I miss it once in a while? Sure. But >for me< it’s for the best. Nothing wrong with social media at all (well… plenty “Wrong” with it but nothing wrong with USING it). It’s just not for me.

 

[circatee]

I thought THIS was social media? 🧐

Very valid point. I do spend a lot of time on MacRumors, and it is a sort of social media. Every so often, I stray for the forums for quite a while. But, every so often, I am drawn back, almost like am missing something... 😳

 

[ssledoux]

I have definitely enjoyed using FB to reconnect with a lot of old friends, but social media has most definitely changed, and I find myself there less and less. My daughters and I do use instagram, but mainly we use that to find funny memes and videos to send one another late at night after all their kids are asleep. It’s become a fun little routine for us to wind down at night.

I think social media can most certainly detrimental thing for a lot of people - young people especially.

 

[circatee]

I think social media can most certainly detrimental thing for a lot of people - young people especially.

Agreed. And, let's not even talk about the sheer volume of adverts. My goodness!!!

 

[eyoungren]

I got involved in Facebook in 2010 I think because an old friend wanted me to read what another old friend was saying. I was there for seven years, but eventually deleted everything I could (I used a third party browser extension) and then deleted my account. At some point FB had become an echo chamber. I even had one person tell me that unless I agreed with her opinions and viewpoints I could not post anything on her wall.

Most of us desire a connection. For some of us that's stronger than with others. Some of us have connections that meet the need sufficiently that other connections become nice but not necessary. Some of us need it more than others.

When I was 15, I was living rural and had no local friends. I needed a connection and I found one with Bulletin Board Systems (BBS). After that point I never got offline. BBSes developed into online forums. I have several different email addresses because at one time email was a popular way to connect with others. I engage in tabletop, traditional pencil and paper roleplaying games (think Dungeons & Dragons) because it's people sitting around a table connecting with each other.

I have connections here on MR and so I maintain my presence here because of those connections. But ultimately, I am a loner and found a connection with my wife who is also a loner. So while I do still seek connections here on MR and on Reddit and I value those connections, they aren't my existence.

I would suspect, OP, you are suffering withdrawal. Social media like FB gives you an immediate connection. You instantly know whether it's a good connection or not. You probably need to find other places where you can connect, other alternate ways.

 

[KaiFiMacFan]

I don't necessarily think one has to completely quit social media; the problem is when it becomes addictive and is interfering negatively with your "real life". Though for many it is a lot like a drug: you can't just do a "little bit" of it. It's either "check your phone every 3 minutes and feel antsy when you haven't looked at TikTok in a while" or "cold turkey". Getting a like, getting views, it's a dopamine hit.

I'm a young person and at this point I'm only on Instagram and forums like MacRumors. I've pared it down to a small amount of online media and I do feel it has been better for my mental health than when I was on Reddit and Discord all day (I have completely quit both of those). So I'm not completely offline, but the online interaction I have, while there is less of it, is of higher quality.

More and more I think we're seeing people use online friendships as a substitute for in-person ones, and ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up and they'll say "YouTuber" or "influencer". It's taken over so many facets of our lives. I'm not saying online relationships can't be fulfilling, especially for an introverted person, but in my experience it often doesn't alleviate loneliness. We're more online than ever and loneliness is at an all-time high. Those two things are not unrelated.

 

[BigMcGuire]

I found the opposite? I quit social media in 2016. Just deleted all my accounts - cold turkey quit. Best thing I ever did.

The way I saw it was ... I was able to spend time with people that mattered to me - close friends, family, partner, etc. Social media is addicting and is designed to grab that attention by any means necessary - usually by outrage.

I found when I quit social media I was able to relax more, I started reading books (30-50/year), and outlook on life became a lot brighter. Also found I had a lot more time to spend with those that were close to me. Yes, I needed to invest a little more time into iMessaging those closer to me - going out and setting up monthly in person meet ups, etc.

Obviously my experience and situation is unique to me.


Recently quitting Reddit (doom scrolling) has really opened my eyes to how these companies try to take every minute of spare time in your day that they can. I'd rather have a hobby or spend my time learning something new than scroll Youtube shorts or Reddit all day.

 

[AZhappyjack]

Like, in a deeper way than I would have expected.

I have a wife, kid, and large family who I love, but no friends who I speak with regularly. I'm only now noticing how much socials took up that need for me, until I stopped them completely.

Now, when I think of something I think is clever, I write it down, and.... nothing. The page doesn't eventually get a like 10 min later, and maybe three more over the course of a thrilling hour. It's ********.

^ this outlines a problem I don't think enough of us – myself included, obviously – talk about and admit.

I had this stupid little thought tonight while watching Marc Rebillet and envying all the people there in the moment, while I was on the other side of the camera.

The only thing even close to social media that I participate in today is MacRumors... and I've scaled that back, too.

Getting off social media was a great move for me... much less noise... and now my interaction with family (living elsewhere around the country) and friends is much more intentional... prior to 2020 I ate, slept and breathed SM... now I sleep better at night... and no worries about what I may be missing out on... it's just quiet and peaceful around my house, and more importantly, in my head.

 

[eyoungren]

More and more I think we're seeing people use online friendships as a substitute for in-person ones, and ask any kid what they want to be when they grow up and they'll say "YouTuber" or "influencer". It's taken over so many facets of our lives. I'm not saying online relationships can't be fulfilling, especially for an introverted person, but in my experience it often doesn't alleviate loneliness. We're more online than ever and loneliness is at an all-time high. Those two things are not unrelated.

All of the positives (adoration, approval, inclusion, being valued and validated, respect, etc) and few of the negatives (putting yourself out there for criticism or disapproval). Online you can filter out the negatives and unless you're someone really evil (and even then not so much nowadays) you'll always have a group of people backing you up. If you don't want to hear it or read it you can walk away - or delete it.

Dealing with people face to face opens you up and makes you vulnerable. And you can't always just walk away or ignore the interaction. I struggle with that and always have, but it seems that the generations born since the 1990s have real problems with this far beyond my own.

 

[circatee]

Some very good points raised by quite a few here, and definately food for thought.

Honestly, at this rate, if I didn't from time to time need to ask a technical question, I probably wouldn't be on any form of social media, forums included. And this is coming from someone that used to be a MOD for Mobile Nations (CrackBerry)...

 

[iHorseHead]

After reddit I only have MacRumors. This is my social media. I've been thinking about creating LinkedIn but I've heard it's bad for mental health as well.

 

[eyoungren]

I found the opposite? I quit social media in 2016. Just deleted all my accounts - cold turkey quit. Best thing I ever did.

The way I saw it was ... I was able to spend time with people that mattered to me - close friends, family, partner, etc. Social media is addicting and is designed to grab that attention by any means necessary - usually by outrage.

I found when I quit social media I was able to relax more, I started reading books (30-50/year), and outlook on life became a lot brighter. Also found I had a lot more time to spend with those that were close to me. Yes, I needed to invest a little more time into iMessaging those closer to me - going out and setting up monthly in person meet ups, etc.

Obviously my experience and situation is unique to me.


Recently quitting Reddit (doom scrolling) has really opened my eyes to how these companies try to take every minute of spare time in your day that they can. I'd rather have a hobby or spend my time learning something new than scroll Youtube shorts or Reddit all day.

We are all different. In me is a constant need to be connected to my surroundings. I have to know or be aware of what is going on in the world outside my door. The news has always been something I've gravitated to.

I see you on the doomscrolling though. That's something I've had to carefully weed out of my newsfeeds. But, there is also a reason that I am only on specific websites (forums, Reddit and news sites). I don't tend to browse anywhere else.

But again, different. As a member of the latchkey generation I'm quite capable of being connected but totally ignoring whatever I don't wish to engage with.

 

[KaiFiMacFan]

All of the positives (adoration, approval, inclusion, being valued and validated, respect, etc) and few of the negatives (putting yourself out there for criticism or disapproval). Online you can filter out the negatives and unless you're someone really evil (and even then not so much nowadays) you'll always have a group of people backing you up. If you don't want to hear it or read it you can walk away - or delete it.

Dealing with people face to face opens you up and makes you vulnerable. And you can't always just walk away or ignore the interaction. I struggle with that and always have, but it seems that the generations born since the 1990s have real problems with this far beyond my own.

That's true, especially the part about avoiding vulnerability. It's increasingly common for people (often men) to avoid dating because the humiliation of rejection is not worth it. And then as a result, loneliness increases. Constantly being online is making it so that people are not even trying to put themselves out there. The internet provides a substitute that doesn't come with the same risks. And no matter what, you can tailor your own experience with much more precision online. You will always be able to find a group of people who tell you what you want to hear and will never criticize you, for better or for worse.

(Though it's also been my experience that many people who spend a lot of time online feed off the negative and deliberately involve themselves in drama. The amount of feuds, death threats, doxxing, and other harassment that occurs online tells me that plenty of people are not at all choosing to walk away from trouble, but are instead actively seeking it out).

 

[eyoungren]

That's true, especially the part about avoiding vulnerability. It's increasingly common for people (often men) to avoid dating because the humiliation of rejection is not worth it. And then as a result, loneliness increases. Constantly being online is making it so that people are not even trying to put themselves out there. The internet provides a substitute that doesn't come with the same risks. And no matter what, you can tailor your own experience with much more precision online. You will always be able to find a group of people who tell you what you want to hear and will never criticize you, for better or for worse.

(Though it's also been my experience that many people who spend a lot of time online feed off the negative and deliberately involve themselves in drama. The amount of feuds, death threats, doxxing, and other harassment that occurs online tells me that plenty of people are not at all choosing to walk away from trouble, but are instead actively seeking it out).

As I have often told my wife, if you (people in general) lack the attention you needed as a kid growing up, then any attention you get whether good, bad, or indifferent fills that hole.

It's very easy to find or create an argument and you will always have the full attention of someone who is angry at you and arguing with you.

 

[BotchQue]

I've attended 3 colleges, did 37 years in the Air Force, and played in bands everywhere I'd been stationed, so I have friends all over the world, and FB was a cool way to stay in touch with many people. But, what FB's become got me so angry I opted out about 2 weeks ago, completely. I'm now retired, have no family of my own, most of my "blood" family in the MW have fallen into the Q-Anon hole, and yeah, it IS getting lonely. I still maintain contact with many via special-interest forums (music, cooking, audiophile, woodworking, this place) so that'll have to do, I guess. I am an extreme introvert, so that helps.

 

[rm5]

I joined Facebook for one reason: to post about my performances. I joined Instagram for one reason: so that people can tag me in their posts (about performances). That's it. I never post about anything other than music, and occasionally I'll throw up some record or something that I really liked. I won't post about anything personal, because that makes me uncomfortable around all the professionals/musicians I work with.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Very interesting thread, and I have read all of the comments - and the entire thread - with interest.

One aspect that I think some may be over-looking is how people's social lives contracted during the conditions of the pandemic, which - in some cases - led to an increasing reliance (for very good reasons) on the online world and social media to fill some of this space in the absence of other (real, live, face to face) human relationships.

However, some of these people have almost forgotten how to navigate the social space - and actually relate to real people - since the immediate threat from the pandemic receded.

@KaiFiMacFan: You make some very good points. However, unfortunately, experience has taught women that some men take rejection very badly, - all too few take it graciously - with reactions (spurred by humiliation, real and perceived, no doubt) ranging from petulance, or anger to outright aggression.

 

[fanboy-ish]

Here's my experience.

I quit Facebook around two years ago, I think, maybe more than that, before quitting Facebook I had quit Quora - I had over 1 million views, but Quora decided to pay those who write questions instead of those who used their time to write quality answers - then I joined Reddit and quit because it was taking too much time away.

When I quit Facebook I had a mild form of FOMO for the first couple of months, then my thinking started to change, who kept checking on me? Who did I really want to keep in touch with? Did I really care about likes and comments?

No, I couldn't give a single, solitary, flying f*** about some random stranger's opinion, I realized that if I haven't been keeping in touch with some people is because we didn't care about each other.

Then, in December, I got a side hustle, I manage two Facebook pages and one Instagram account, so I have to browse those sites, and I keep wondering "why are they so stupid?".

On Facebook you see people who actually think their opinions matter, people who actually enjoy to pick a fight with a Facebook page, people that would gladly spend their weekends going back and forth with an account.

On Instagram (the owners of the organization have a policy of following back new followers), you see people posting pictures of their meals, of them in swimsuit, of where they're going... why? I mean, I know why they do it (instant gratification) but, really, do they really need approval from a bunch of strangers or people they barely know in order to feel accomplished? When did people become so pretentious?

Some people of social media need help, and don't even realize it. In a way, I feel sad for them. And, yes, all the conspiracy trash floating around is mind-revolting.

I'm happier now that I'm out of what I consider the Cloaca Maxima of our society, I remember the weeks before quitting, Facebook started to give me some form of anxiety, it was so full of conflict that it was becoming unbearable.

This community is a healthy social media, whenever I feel like sharing my point of view or reading some well-thought posts I come here and write, or just lurk, I don't see anyone here trying to pick a fight just because they have way too much time on their hands.