Completely quitting social media gets lonely.

[Apple fanboy]

Well, except us 🤣

Of course. MR is the place to be….

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I never much liked secondary school (high school), - didn't much care for many of my classmates, though I wish them well, I have no great desire to meet most of them - in fact, I was invited to a function there last year, but declined politely; school reunions sound like a version of hell.

However, I loved university.

In university, you are more likely to meet people you have some sort of affinity with and share your interests, so that you may have something in common - such as those also studying subjects that you have chosen to study, subjects that you actually like (which was not always the case in high school).

While I don't 'do' social media - I've never joined FB/Meta and never will - and am not much interested in university reunions, either - again, I was invited to one last year and also declined politely - there are people with whom I was fairly friendly at university but haven't seen in ages, and thus, wouldn't mind meeting them at some stage for a chat and coffee.

 

[eyoungren]

I never much liked secondary school (high school), - didn't much care fro many of my classmates, though I wish them well, I have no great desire to meet most of them - in fact, I was invited to a function there last year, but declined politely; school reunions sound like a version of hell.

However, I loved university.

In university, you are more likely to meet people you have some sort of affinity with and share your interests, so that you may have something in common - such as those studying subjects that you like.

While I don't 'do' social media - I've never joined FB/Meta and never will - and am not much interested in university reunions, either - again, I was invited to one last year and also declined politely - there are people with whom I was fairly friendly at university but haven't seen in ages, and thus, wouldn't mind meeting them at some stage for a chat and coffee.

I had the misfortune of being the one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind…

At some point, growing up in middle class America, I realized I was 'smarter' than the others in school. This was based on the fact that I tended to observe things and read a lot on stuff that held zero interest to anyone else. I got bullied over lots of that because I wasn't like the others.

I tended to 'game-out' what if's, only because by doing that it kept me safe at home from my father's wrath if I screwed something up (he considered me the family screwup). So, always thinking me tended to look down on classmates who couldn't get beyond their own nose. That developed into a superiority complex over 'stupid people' and there were lots of those in high-school.

Then I got out in to the real world and the jobs I was involved in validated this opinion because those were jobs these 'stupid' people would take. Which of course says something about me I suppose. Anyway, I ran into my wife then in 1995 and all that came crashing down.

My wife is truly smart and she can run circles around me. She was sought after by JPL for a scholarship at one point in high school, but her mother said no (a spiteful thing we believe). So, it was revealed to me then that just knowing stuff doesn't make you smart.

And that was the only difference between me and these people in HS. I knew stuff, because knowing stuff protected me from being bullied. The bullies never knew if I knew anything about them that could get them in trouble. And I had a history of making them look like idiots in front of the entire class - I was left alone. It protected me.

But among my wife and kids, it is clear that I am at the bottom of the pile. The cat, when he was alive, might have been smarter! LOL!

But I still look back at the people I went to school with and I have no desire to ever surround myself with that sort of idiocy and lack of thought ever again. It is a primary reason I loathe picking my daughter up at school. These people are parents now and they are still as dumb as they were in HS and they drive cars, which makes them unpredictable and dangerous when driving off with their kids.

 

[AlaskaMoose]

Knowing others is impossible in principle and probably unnecessary from a practical standpoint. It is like a band members finding out that after being together and knowing each other for twenty years they fight and argue even more than before even leaving aside the "creative tension".

The idea is that if you know yourself you are already in the "rare air" and by "manifesting your core values" you are pretty much making sure that you don't attract the "wrong people" in any walks of life.

Agree.

Also, [B]retta283[/B]'s post somewhere above is a very good read.

 

[5580463]

It does get lonely, especially if you've just moved to a new place. I don't like SM, I've only kept Twitter and use it as a news aggregator, though I might be deleting that as well, soon. What I find a hassle is accessing content on social media without an account, like, opening an IG or FB link. If you don't have an account on these platforms you are basically locking yourself out of part of the internet.

 

[splifingate]

I never much liked secondary school (high school), - didn't much care for many of my classmates, though I wish them well, I have no great desire to meet most of them - in fact, I was invited to a function there last year, but declined politely; school reunions sound like a version of hell.

I felt the same for a lot of years (and--as a matter of fact--mostly still do).

A handful-and-a-half years-ago, I decided to attend my 30th HS Reunion.

This meant a plane/car reservation, and a great deal of time negotiating rural America.

It was (probably) one of the most other-worldly experiences of my entire life

One of my classmates still looked/wore her hair in the *exact* way she did back in the day!

Many with whom I re-connected still walk the very same paths now, as they did then . . . I have become a dandelion seed, blown to the wind . . . .

 

[splifingate]

Visited my Mom in Memory Care this past week (Southern California).

It has been both my boon--and bain--to be the crier to such events.

I logged to FB prior (to announce), and after (to share), this experience with those with whom my only contact resolves to FB Messenger.

It's icky, and weird; but, FB is the only medium with which I can share such things with my extended-family-diaspora

 

[splifingate]

But among my wife and kids, it is clear that I am at the bottom of the pile.

When relegated to Incredible Genius--amidst a group that includes Super-Genius and Ultra-Genius--this must surely come with no deficit

 

[AlaskaMoose]

Knowing others is impossible in principle and probably unnecessary from a practical standpoint. It is like a band members finding out that after being together and knowing each other for twenty years they fight and argue even more than before even leaving aside the "creative tension".

The idea is that if you know yourself you are already in the "rare air" and by "manifesting your core values" you are pretty much making sure that you don't attract the "wrong people" in any walks of life.

That is mostly true. But in reality, as long as one is alive and conscious, the act of getting to know oneself does not end. What one considers "one's core values" often change or adapt along the way.

 

[AlaskaMoose]

Myself, I do not necessarily mind the solitude. Some of the best times of my life were those in which I was rarely in contact with others, sometimes only spending maybe 30 minutes around others a week. I lived in a remote house in the nature, and I spent many hours lost in music or in woodworking. It was a quiet, peaceful life.

Even once I eventually had to leave that house, I was still never a particularly 'social' person, not until the Internet came along. Once the internet was out, I was active. I was active everywhere, I was making friends left and right, playing video games with people (a hobby I had never partaken in before in serious measure) and having a very good time. I finally came out of my cocoon for the first time in twenty years.

It was that wild west period of the internet, in the late 90s and early 2000s. Back before social media, but we still had messenger clients and whatnot. Forums like this were prominent, and gaming communities were small but vibrant. I began to notice that as I became more social online, I did in the real world too. I knew my neighbors, I had friends at work, I hosted guests regularly for the first time, my social life was thriving. All because I had been given that first step online.

Eventually though it all faded. By now I'm practically back in that state of solitude I was 30-40 years ago. I have a few good friends, which I appreciate, but I do not see them often. I spend little time online these days, as I never quite adapted to social media, forums have reduced in relevance, and I stopped gaming. Most of my time is spent either working (with wood!) or listening to music on my own. Again. But this time, it does feel a little lonely. I enjoy peace and quiet, I was always someone who wanted to be left undisturbed, but in a way that is coming at a great detriment.

This is all to say that even though I never really used social media, I understand completely how the internet can make up for those connections you maybe didn't have in the real world, but never realized it. It is much more sobering to realize it once you've lost it, than before you had it. I likewise often find myself with thoughts or ideas I wish to express or discuss with others, but no place to do so anymore.

It hurts sometimes. But it does make for a splendid time for self-reflection, which is what I have gained out of this. Think about what matters, what truly matters. You may learn eventually that the forms of communication you had were not what you wanted anyway; a band-aid of sorts. Perhaps that is not the answer you desire, but it is an increasingly common one in the age of social media. I understand how you've come to feel this way. Excuse the massive post...

I enjoyed your writing, and for some reason feel that if what you wrote is true you have become wiser.

 

[BotchQue]

A handful-and-a-half years-ago, I decided to attend my 30th HS Reunion.

This meant a plane/car reservation, and a great deal of time negotiating rural America.

It was (probably) one of the most other-worldly experiences of my entire life

One of my classmates still looked/wore her hair in the *exact* way she did back in the day!

Many with whom I re-connected still walk the very same paths now, as they did then . . . I have become a dandelion seed, blown to the wind . . . .

My High School grad class was rather large (780) especially for South Dakota. As such, they offered advanced English, advanced Math, and my HS band trip my senior year was two weeks touring Europe! I made many close friends then, and I had to miss all previous reunions but got to my 40th, and I had a blast; didn't even get to talk to everyone I wanted to, over a 3-day weekend. Got dragged right over to the table with a bunch of band-mates and those of us who joined the military.
I hope that doesn't sound elitist; high school was similar to college for me.

 

[splifingate]

My High School grad class was rather large (780) especially for South Dakota. As such, they offered advanced English, advanced Math, and my HS band trip my senior year was two weeks touring Europe! I made many close friends then, and I had to miss all previous reunions but got to my 40th, and I had a blast; didn't even get to talk to everyone I wanted to, over a 3-day weekend. Got dragged right over to the table with a bunch of band-mates and those of us who joined the military.
I hope that doesn't sound elitist; high school was similar to college for me.

My HS had 641 students, total, in my graduating year *shrugs*

Our 30th was a Blast!

 

[rm5]

I never much liked secondary school (high school), - didn't much care for many of my classmates, though I wish them well, I have no great desire to meet most of them - in fact, I was invited to a function there last year, but declined politely; school reunions sound like a version of hell.

However, I loved university.

In university, you are more likely to meet people you have some sort of affinity with and share your interests, so that you may have something in common - such as those also studying subjects that you have chosen to study, subjects that you actually like (which was not always the case in high school).

While I don't 'do' social media - I've never joined FB/Meta and never will - and am not much interested in university reunions, either - again, I was invited to one last year and also declined politely - there are people with whom I was fairly friendly at university but haven't seen in ages, and thus, wouldn't mind meeting them at some stage for a chat and coffee.

I got to know my classmates well, because the class was so small (71 students), but I never made real friends with any of them. I stayed out of all "social circles," and participated only in activities outside of school. This meant that I missed out on a lot of opportunities (which I made a post about while ago), but I had countless unique opportunities that came up outside of school. That's what I'm looking forward to in college, is talking to people with shared interests, because then I can REALLY get to know them, in a much deeper (in this case, a musical) sense. In high school, there were a lot of gamers, athletes, and academics, but sadly, there weren't really any musicians.

If I wasn't a musician, I likely wouldn't be on Facebook/Meta.

EDIT: The reason I stayed out of "friend groups" is because I personally had bad experiences when I was forced to sit at a table with my class at lunch in elementary school, and also when (also in elementary school) I was forced to sit with groups of people who didn't understand me at all and didn't take me for who I was. Why classmates couldn't see my "differences" as a good thing—a unique thing—not a source for unkindness and looking down upon is... I can't think of a word... ridiculous? Appalling?

Anyway, the nice thing about social media is that at the beginning at least, you don't know the people you're talking to/interacting with, and they have no clue who they're talking to either.

 

[avz]

That is mostly true. But in reality, as long as one is alive and conscious, the act of getting to know oneself does not end. What one considers "one's core values" often change or adapt along the way.

There is a reason why I used the term "core values" as they are usually non-negotiable in principle or require a major change like a nun becoming a hooker. At this rate though you'll be asking a question if this person correctly identified her "core values" to begin with.

 

[Huntn]

Like, in a deeper way than I would have expected.

I have a wife, kid, and large family who I love, but no friends who I speak with regularly. I'm only now noticing how much socials took up that need for me, until I stopped them completely.

Now, when I think of something I think is clever, I write it down, and.... nothing. The page doesn't eventually get a like 10 min later, and maybe three more over the course of a thrilling hour. It's ********.

^ this outlines a problem I don't think enough of us – myself included, obviously – talk about and admit.

I had this stupid little thought tonight while watching Marc Rebillet and envying all the people there in the moment, while I was on the other side of the camera.

I’ve been on Facebook since the beginning, but pulled back from it because I found I don’t need as much family contact as I was getting. I never did battle as my wife did which there are certainly battles with strangers there, and the mods seem mostly oblivious to it. I’ve not visited there regularly for almost 10years.

So I have been participating besides MR in several forums made up of MR expats there we can discuss politics and other social issues as we see fit, and on a couple other forums too, notably Mad About Politics.

I had previously joined Twitter only to see relayed posts, but zero participation on my part. We’ve all been reading about what a **** show X has become.

In May I was convinced I should give Mastodon a try.

Now it’s very possible you quit social media for a specific reason and you miss it but want no part of it now. If so just ignore this. Mastodon is a decentralized social media with no central or ultimate master who owns the network. There are hundreds, thousands(?) of servers each controlled by different people with different rules. I’m in a very small group, The advantage of this kind of setup is that you access the network, and if you don’t see eye to eye with the administrator/owner (?) of your server, it’s easy to jump to another server with your identity and still access the Fediverse which is the big ball of Mastodon wax.

The good news is that Mastodon appears to lean left. I have yet to see any Right Wing dirt there. That said, considering that Mastodon has gone world wide, I don’t think I am seeing all the traffic out there, but it probably makes no real difference because…

The bad news is that it’s got scrolling text posts just like X and it’s impossible to keep up to date with all the posts unless you want to live on the app. On iOS I’m using either the Ice Cube app or my Safari browser to access the Fediverse, and typically I wake up to 600 or 1200 new posts. I might read a couple of posts , but then I swoop to the top and have no idea what I missed. Imo, it’s an simplistic structure not nearly as good as the forum structure.

As far as the amount of time I spend daily with these online entities (forums plus Mastodon), is probably 30-60 min in the morning, and then depending on what is going on, I check back later in the day for updates.

The number one advantage I find through these outlets, I can interact with a large, diverse group of people, finding like minded individuals who appear to see the same problems I do, and do it on my schedule.

 

[MisterSavage]

The bad news is that it’s got scrolling text posts just like X and it’s impossible to keep up to date with all the posts unless you want to live on the app. On iOS I’m using either the Ice Cube app or my Safari browser to access the Fediverse, and typically I wake up to 600 or 1200 new posts. I might read a couple of posts , but then I swoop to the top and have no idea what I missed. Imo, it’s an simplistic structure not nearly as good as the forum structure.

Yeah the local/federated feeds are a firehose that feel impossible to keep up with. I have about 100-120 posts that are new from people I'm following when I log in and that's good enough for me.

 

[mikelets456]

I feel better leaving social media...Now I'm not ranting about something without resolves. I'll spend that time with family---I don't want to be on my death bed lamenting about all the wasted time on social media.

 

[adrianlondon]

I don't want to be on my death bed lamenting about all the wasted time on social media.

Of course not. Just post it on FB with a little tearful emoji.

 

[Huntn]

I feel better leaving social media...Now I'm not ranting about something without resolves. I'll spend that time with family---I don't want to be on my death bed lamenting about all the wasted time on social media.

Social media is an interaction with other people. Granted not as good as face to face interactions, but online your getting access to the world and a huge diverse group of people, if you like sharing your thoughts with them. The thing is not to get consumed by it as a past time and obviously to keep the people around you as your top priority. It's kind of like alcoholism, you're not an alcoholic until your drinking adversely impacts your life, in some shape or form that you decide is too adverse.

 

[eyoungren]

I'll spend that time with family---I don't want to be on my death bed lamenting about all the wasted time on social media.

…and obviously to keep the people around you as your top priority.

It is unfortunate for me and my wife, that online or in-person, the people in my family are not people you want to spend time with, be close to or least of all make a priority in your life.

Most of them have views and opinions that I do not and are quite vocal about their feelings for those who don't feel or think the same way they do. Being a family member gives you no protection when holding the 'wrong' viewpoints.

And even the few who might share similar beliefs are not the warm and fuzzy type you want to be close to.

I was just born too late in my family and didn't drink the family Kool-Aid.

 

[Mousse]

Never joined FB or Twitter. Never will.
I have no idea how many likes I get on here. I never look. It’s irrelevant to me.
My self worth is not tied up in how popular or unpopular I am.

We old folks don't care what strangers think of us. That's the way it is and we like it.😉

I think social media can most certainly detrimental thing for a lot of people - young people especially.

Young people seek validation from others; be part of the popular it crowd.

I'm instilling in my teenage daughter that she should be herself, not succumb to peer pressure. Golden Age Superman wore his underwear on the outside. The Goddess of Love, Aphrodite/Venus, has belly rolls. What others think of her is a reflection of them, not her.

Polonius [Hamlet Act I, scene 3] gave the best advice, so what better words than his own?

This above all: to thine own self be true
And it must follow, as the night the day
Thou canst not then be false to any man
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

 

[Apple fanboy]

We old folks don't care what strangers think of us. That's the way it is and we like it.😉

Young people seek validation from others; be part of the popular it crowd.

I'm instilling in my teenage daughter that she should be herself, not succumb to peer pressure. Golden Age Superman wore his underwear on the outside. The Goddess of Love, Aphrodite/Venus, has belly rolls. What others think of her is a reflection of them, not her.

Polonius [Hamlet Act I, scene 3] gave the best advice, so what better words than his own?

This above all: to thine own self be true
And it must follow, as the night the day
Thou canst not then be false to any man
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

Who you calling old? Oh wait I’m not supposed to care! 🤪

 

[AZhappyjack]

It is unfortunate for me and my wife, that online or in-person, the people in my family are not people you want to spend time with, be close to or least of all make a priority in your life.

Most of them have views and opinions that I do not and are quite vocal about their feelings for those who don't feel or think the same way they do. Being a family member gives you no protection when holding the 'wrong' viewpoints.

And even the few who might share similar beliefs are not the warm and fuzzy type you want to be close to.

I was just born too late in my family and didn't drink the family Kool-Aid.

I can definitely relate to this... my parents have been gone for years, and not close to any siblings or other family...

 

[AZhappyjack]

Who you calling old? Oh wait I’m not supposed to care! 🤪

And GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

 

[Huntn]

It is unfortunate for me and my wife, that online or in-person, the people in my family are not people you want to spend time with, be close to or least of all make a priority in your life.

Most of them have views and opinions that I do not and are quite vocal about their feelings for those who don't feel or think the same way they do. Being a family member gives you no protection when holding the 'wrong' viewpoints.

And even the few who might share similar beliefs are not the warm and fuzzy type you want to be close to.

I was just born too late in my family and didn't drink the family Kool-Aid.

It is unfortunate for me and my wife, that online or in-person, the people in my family are not people you want to spend time with, be close to or least of all make a priority in your life.

I acknowledge this, my premise, unsaid was the people around you who warrant the good attention. My wife has written off a good portion of her family because of the heart ache they generate