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Completely quitting social media gets lonely.
- Thread starter tweaknmod
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There is a chance that the more time one spends socializing online, the less time for one to get to know oneself. Most people aren't going to let you know the worst about themselves, nor is one going to tell others the worst about oneself. What one usually "gets to know" about another person is one's (own) perceptions, the likes and dislikes one learns from childhood. I could be wrong, but human interaction face to face is the most efficient way to get to know oneself and some things about others. "Feeling" that we know somebody...is it really true?
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I don't care about "likes," but I do understand the need to reach out to people.
As long as you understand what your core values are and you are able to set boundaries and enforce them(this is of course is always the hardest) you should not worry about what you "get to know" about another person.
Your problem isn't the lack of social media per se. Your problem is needing validation and acknowledgment from strangers, when your wife, children, and large family are the more important acknowledgment.
It doesn't sound like you value yourself like you should. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said what you did this post.
Well that is true, but it is not what I implied in my post. The truth is that thinking that we really know others is nothing but an illusion, because what we see in others is like looking oneself in a mirror. The likes and dislikes I was referring to aren't just the silly little "likes" we post online, but the things that we learn to like and dislike (pleasant and unpleasant things) from childhood into adulthood and beyond. One "feels" that one knows another person, but that's one's perception. Perceptions aren't necessarily true.
The bottomline: participating in social media is just a form of entertaining, scape from something, a moment of rest, and so on. It is a moment for one to talk, mostly about oneself. One gives advice to others without realizing that the things one says is based on one's perceptions. Now a trained psychologist may be able to figure the best response? Who knows?
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My parents married late, so growing up my immediate family consisted of aunts and uncles that were 20-30 plus years older than me and cousins that were either 20+ years older or infants. So there was never any real attachment to anyone. When I was 16 there also came a two year stretch of having to administer some amount of care to my paternal grandmother who had Alzheimer's/Dementia but was undiagnosed. My sister and I are not close, I never met my dad's expectations and my mom used me for the emotional support she never got from my dad.
So, when I quit FB because it had become an echo chamber it was primarily my extended family echoing opinions I didn't agree with. I had no problem disconnecting from people I'd never even really connected with in the first place.
I get it.
Myself, I do not necessarily mind the solitude. Some of the best times of my life were those in which I was rarely in contact with others, sometimes only spending maybe 30 minutes around others a week. I lived in a remote house in the nature, and I spent many hours lost in music or in woodworking. It was a quiet, peaceful life.
Even once I eventually had to leave that house, I was still never a particularly 'social' person, not until the Internet came along. Once the internet was out, I was active. I was active everywhere, I was making friends left and right, playing video games with people (a hobby I had never partaken in before in serious measure) and having a very good time. I finally came out of my cocoon for the first time in twenty years.
It was that wild west period of the internet, in the late 90s and early 2000s. Back before social media, but we still had messenger clients and whatnot. Forums like this were prominent, and gaming communities were small but vibrant. I began to notice that as I became more social online, I did in the real world too. I knew my neighbors, I had friends at work, I hosted guests regularly for the first time, my social life was thriving. All because I had been given that first step online.
Eventually though it all faded. By now I'm practically back in that state of solitude I was 30-40 years ago. I have a few good friends, which I appreciate, but I do not see them often. I spend little time online these days, as I never quite adapted to social media, forums have reduced in relevance, and I stopped gaming. Most of my time is spent either working (with wood!) or listening to music on my own. Again. But this time, it does feel a little lonely. I enjoy peace and quiet, I was always someone who wanted to be left undisturbed, but in a way that is coming at a great detriment.
This is all to say that even though I never really used social media, I understand completely how the internet can make up for those connections you maybe didn't have in the real world, but never realized it. It is much more sobering to realize it once you've lost it, than before you had it. I likewise often find myself with thoughts or ideas I wish to express or discuss with others, but no place to do so anymore.
It hurts sometimes. But it does make for a splendid time for self-reflection, which is what I have gained out of this. Think about what matters, what truly matters. You may learn eventually that the forms of communication you had were not what you wanted anyway; a band-aid of sorts. Perhaps that is not the answer you desire, but it is an increasingly common one in the age of social media. I understand how you've come to feel this way. Excuse the massive post...
Even once I eventually had to leave that house, I was still never a particularly 'social' person, not until the Internet came along. Once the internet was out, I was active. I was active everywhere, I was making friends left and right, playing video games with people (a hobby I had never partaken in before in serious measure) and having a very good time. I finally came out of my cocoon for the first time in twenty years.
It was that wild west period of the internet, in the late 90s and early 2000s. Back before social media, but we still had messenger clients and whatnot. Forums like this were prominent, and gaming communities were small but vibrant. I began to notice that as I became more social online, I did in the real world too. I knew my neighbors, I had friends at work, I hosted guests regularly for the first time, my social life was thriving. All because I had been given that first step online.
Eventually though it all faded. By now I'm practically back in that state of solitude I was 30-40 years ago. I have a few good friends, which I appreciate, but I do not see them often. I spend little time online these days, as I never quite adapted to social media, forums have reduced in relevance, and I stopped gaming. Most of my time is spent either working (with wood!) or listening to music on my own. Again. But this time, it does feel a little lonely. I enjoy peace and quiet, I was always someone who wanted to be left undisturbed, but in a way that is coming at a great detriment.
This is all to say that even though I never really used social media, I understand completely how the internet can make up for those connections you maybe didn't have in the real world, but never realized it. It is much more sobering to realize it once you've lost it, than before you had it. I likewise often find myself with thoughts or ideas I wish to express or discuss with others, but no place to do so anymore.
It hurts sometimes. But it does make for a splendid time for self-reflection, which is what I have gained out of this. Think about what matters, what truly matters. You may learn eventually that the forms of communication you had were not what you wanted anyway; a band-aid of sorts. Perhaps that is not the answer you desire, but it is an increasingly common one in the age of social media. I understand how you've come to feel this way. Excuse the massive post...
Knowing others is impossible in principle and probably unnecessary from a practical standpoint. It is like a band members finding out that after being together and knowing each other for twenty years they fight and argue even more than before even leaving aside the "creative tension".Well that is true, but it is not what I implied in my post. The truth is that thinking that we really know others is nothing but an illusion, because what we see in others is like looking oneself in a mirror. The likes and dislikes I was referring to aren't just the silly little "likes" we post online, but the things that we learn to like and dislike (pleasant and unpleasant things) from childhood into adulthood and beyond. One "feels" that one knows another person, but that's one's perception. Perceptions aren't necessarily true.
The bottomline: participating in social media is just a form of entertaining, scape from something, a moment of rest, and so on. It is a moment for one to talk, mostly about oneself. One gives advice to others without realizing that the things one says is based on one's perceptions. Now a trained psychologist may be able to figure the best response? Who knows?
The idea is that if you know yourself you are already in the "rare air" and by "manifesting your core values" you are pretty much making sure that you don't attract the "wrong people" in any walks of life.
it's good you're only on just a few platforms, to me that means you're less distracted and you have fewer things to worry about. I'm on Discord, and I personally haven't had a bad experience with it, but I also don't let all the bad stuff get to me. I stay confined to well-moderated servers, and servers with less than 300 members. I think your point about "less is more" largely depends on what you do on the sites, and how you choose to view what happens on them (whether it be good or bad).
I originally used FB to connect with distant Family, but it increasingly became a evident that it was *the* portal for re-connect.
My life has been greatly-enhansed by the re-found connections with those with whom I have participated IRL over the years, but have since moved; away-from
For these things, I can definitely give an 'A' to FB on all accounts.
FB is the last big-social I have kept active (albeit just the account, and not the participatory activity).
To-point, the release from social media has really not contributed--in any degree--to my loneliness.
Yeah; I get you, Brother.
Truth-be-told, some of my most profound and creative ideas in the past were shared with others in my social-peer-genre froups, and they failed to gain the traction I had hoped, at the time.
It is no surprise, to me, that some of my most profound and creative ideas still fail to gain traction.
I cannot help but lay blame to that not on the Socials, but my own (lack-of?) marketing strategy
I guess that’s one of the reasons FB never interested me. I have no desire to reconnect with friends or family I’ve lost touch with.
That and the massive invasion of privacy of course.
That and the massive invasion of privacy of course.
A couple years ago (pre-Covid) my boss and I were talking and he mentioned that he'd been contacted by a woman from his high school that was organizing a 'X' year reunion. He'd been trying to avoid her.
What he told me has stuck with me only because it put in words what I'd always thought (but didn't have words for). Basically, high school was were you had to be with all these people for four years that you'd never see again and never want to see again. It was people you knew, but had no connection with or relationship with.
And he didn't want any relationship with, because as he said - they are all still stuck in high school. They never advanced.
Why would he want to go to a reunion of people all stuck in the past? It reminds me of the Bruce Springsteen song, 'Glory Days'.
That's Facebook.
High school reunion? Think I’d jump off a bridge. Hated school. I had plenty of friends there, but as you say that’s the past. I left my home town at 18. Never moved back. Used to occasionally visit my family, but none of them live there now.
I have two really good friends who I knew in my teens (outside of school). We still meet up a few times a year even though we live 100’s of miles apart. We talk on the phone or the odd text messages or email. But I don’t need social media for that.
Honestly, I feel like that situation could happen at any time in life with any friend. People don’t always maintain similar paths in life. Friends grow apart, whether that be friends you met at 15, or 35. I wouldn’t discount continuing or even being open to a relationship with someone just because we may have lost touch.
I made lifelong friends in high school. I’m 55 and have more than a few I talk to and see regularly. Certainly there are ones who have tried to connect that I didn’t have a particular affinity for, and those I just keep things simple and don’t make much effort to move forward, but I still enjoy seeing where their lives led them.
We have had 2-3 reunions since high school, and they’ve been a blast!
Yeah, my daughter is learning the same thing I did in junior high and high school. There are kids that will never go beyond that mentality. Unfortunately, they have children of their own who adopt the same mentality and it repeats. I deal with those people every time I go pick my daughter up from school.
I had a friend at that time. We didn't attend the same high school, but it eventually became clear to me that he was going to remain stuck in the past. My dad had put the family down in a rural place and I finally got out of there.
It's a backwards place with a small town mentality. In 2000 it got some development so that's it's claim to fame, but the same small town mentality is still there and the former friend refused to leave. It's what he knows I guess. I just existed there, it was never a place I wanted to be.
I'm guilty of looking back all the time, but I don't live there. A lot of people seem to.
My graduating class was six people (small Christian school). I haven't seen any of them since 1989 when I graduated. I'll be 53 in September.
I'm a loner by nature, so when I met my wife it was great. She's a loner too and we both value our own time by ourselves. But we're together. It works for us.
You're right about people coming and going though. An old friend and I parted ways in 2011 and I've yet to meet anyone that is anything more than just someone I happen to know. My wife and I have pretty much been alone together for the past 23 years here in Phoenix.
Sounds like my idea of hell. They show high school reunions in a few shows, but I honestly thought it was just a myth that people went to these things? Maybe it’s a US thing.
Our 25th wedding anniversary next month. Mrs AFB is more of a loaner than I am. We moved to a small village (less than 50 houses) and we love it. We can go for walks and see no one.
She isn’t in contact with anyone from her hometown or family. Outside of work I talk to 5 people in the real world.
I have no time for anyone else.
I'm a relatively outgoing, social person. Apart from the last few years, I've moved around a lot and lived in many countries.
I like Facebook. I don't follow people I don't know, I actively unfollow (but stay linked friends with) people who don't use Facebook in a way I want to read. It allows me to keep in touch with people I've met along the way in my life. If I've not met or swapped messages with someone in a couple of years, I either initiate a conversation or decide the friendship has faded away and I unlink them.
Interestingly, and it's just the way it started (I created my FB account in 2007 while living in China) I'm not linked with my partner or anyone in my family. It's purely social. I update my family on my life by actually meeting them or facetime.
I don't have the FB app though; I only use it when at home and on my laptop; never on my phone.
I like Facebook. I don't follow people I don't know, I actively unfollow (but stay linked friends with) people who don't use Facebook in a way I want to read. It allows me to keep in touch with people I've met along the way in my life. If I've not met or swapped messages with someone in a couple of years, I either initiate a conversation or decide the friendship has faded away and I unlink them.
Interestingly, and it's just the way it started (I created my FB account in 2007 while living in China) I'm not linked with my partner or anyone in my family. It's purely social. I update my family on my life by actually meeting them or facetime.
I don't have the FB app though; I only use it when at home and on my laptop; never on my phone.
Let's see…November will be 26 years of marriage for my wife and I. I work from home so I never see the people I work with anymore. Not that anything is different, because when I got the job they had me in a backroom anyway. I had to walk up front to talk to anyone.
My wife has only recently (last five years) obtained a degree and moved out of manual labor jobs into teaching. It's a whole new persona she's created for herself with the people she works with. But none of them are friends.
We live in a major city for the convenience. Dealing with people is the price we pay for that. But I won't ever go back to being rural and my wife who had a small taste of it for a few years won't either. Primarily, outside of work our time is spent at home.
I don't use Meta (even Whatsapp)
I don't use Google
See https://www.privacyguides.org/en/ for alternatives to surveillance capitalism
I don't use Google
See https://www.privacyguides.org/en/ for alternatives to surveillance capitalism
This. I've made some great connections with people, some of whom have become actual friends in 'real life' through social media. Like anything else some versions are predatory/awful/etc but others you can find a nice collection of people.