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Texting etiquette: people who take for-ev-er to respond (or never respond)
- Thread starter usagora
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Yeah, the irony hasn't been lost on me that posters here claiming they're too busy to reply to simple text messages sure seem to reply promptly to me here (and some very verbosely to boot).
I already told you in my first reply to you in this thread:
It's quite obvious he was gaslighting and did so in another thread too. That's why he's being ignored now and you and others aren't, even though you also disagree with me.
Clearly was a jab intended there. Basically saying, "I guess you just aren't important to them." That's simply not true. We're long-time friends. As I said, even my own brother does this with both me and our parents. We all love each other, and it's obviously not that he doesn't care for us. It's just disorganization. My parents have complained about it too.
No, I beg to differ.
And - with respect - I don't think that was a jab, rather, it was more an attempt at an explanation.
This is not saying that "I guess you just aren't important to them", - clearly, you are important - it is more a case of "I guess that you aren't important enough - or the situation isn't important enough - to them to justify the added effort, energy, time and thought required to respond to this text in what the sender considers a timely manner". There is a difference between the two things.
For what it is worth, I think that there is a distinction to be drawn between the two.
I agree completely with @chrono1081 on detesting a world where you are expected to be available 24/7.
The demads on our time are far greater than they were a few decades ago, and some of us respond by ruthlessly prioritising what we attend to in our private space.
However, (and unfortunately) the price of this is paid by relationships in the personal, or private space, because most of us cannot afford to do so in our professional, or working, space.
For, of course, as this thread makes more than abundantly clear - when exhausted, - it is personal friendships, personal acquaintances, personal relationships, that can end up being treated with less respect than used to be the case; they are - or, the quality of such relationships - are what gets sacrificed to the relentless and endless demands of time.
Personally, I would also argue that the conditions of the Covid pandemic restrictions exacerbated this further, and made matters worse.
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I'm wonder if
If someone says good morning to me, I'd assume that some sort of 'connection' - perhaps eye contact - was made first. I don't consider a text to be the same thing. Obviously there are relationships in my life (family, friends, etc) where I'll make myself available whenever possible (and there's even a hierarchy there!), but a text message in and of itself doesn't obligate me to jack squat.
This could possibly be an age thing, though. Now where's that .jpg of the old dude shaking his fist at clouds....
i wish more would just text hi or such instead of only texting when they want something. And the only times I won't answer is if I'm at my desk at work or in a fancy restaurant/theater. Otherwise at least I will text I'm busy and then text or call later
This is one exception I agree with. If I've already answered and you argue. I may respond one or two more times, but then I won't answer and eventually I'll respond and block.
It just comes down to compatibility. If someone doesn't answer how you like or someone annoys you for answers, then tell them, and if they don't care, cut them off. There's plenty of other people. Doesn't matter to me because I am married now, and my wife answer unless she is sleeping or working. Probably one of the reasons I married her because we are compatible on something that is important to me.
They said "you" (not "the situation") and "important" vs. "important enough" doesn't make much difference to me. Neither is very complimentary.
Which is not at all what I'm expecting.
Well, I'd certainly be cutting a lot of great people out of my life if I did that, including my own brother, lol! That's not a course of action I would ever dream of taking. It's not something worth shipwrecking a relationship over. However, it's still a significant issue (communication).
But, whether something is complimentary to you is not the point to them; most likely, it is not only irrelevant to them, but this is not the goal to them.
You - and your reactions to their actions or non-actions - are not their concern, and they will not want to make this their problem.
Their lives do not revolve around you, and they have their own concerns, which will take priority in their lives.
Stating that reactions - reactions you have described (and judged) varying as "uncomplimentary", "slack", "disorganised", "gas lighting", "spiteful", 'a jab" - are all your subjective reactions, and are actions or motivations you attribute to others.
They are not necessarily shared by others.
Re posting here, - or, taking the time to post here - and arguing that one lacks time to text, what you are missing is not the apparent contradiction (use of time), but the act of agency, and the fact of choice, choosing how to spend one's free time. One can choose not to respond to a text message, or, one can reply immediately, later, or - (in my case), sometimes, much later.
For, this is how I choose to spend my time.
If current conditions compressed my available time, my choices would be different, and woudl take a differnet form.
You - and your reactions to their actions or non-actions - are not their concern, and they will not want to make this their problem.
Their lives do not revolve around you, and they have their own concerns, which will take priority in their lives.
Stating that reactions - reactions you have described (and judged) varying as "uncomplimentary", "slack", "disorganised", "gas lighting", "spiteful", 'a jab" - are all your subjective reactions, and are actions or motivations you attribute to others.
They are not necessarily shared by others.
Re posting here, - or, taking the time to post here - and arguing that one lacks time to text, what you are missing is not the apparent contradiction (use of time), but the act of agency, and the fact of choice, choosing how to spend one's free time. One can choose not to respond to a text message, or, one can reply immediately, later, or - (in my case), sometimes, much later.
For, this is how I choose to spend my time.
If current conditions compressed my available time, my choices would be different, and woudl take a differnet form.
Ok, at this point I'm simply going to bow out of the thread as we're going in circles. Countless times I've made it clear I'm not expecting people to drop everything they're doing the instant they receive my text and make me their highest priority, yet you and others keep replying as if that's what I'm saying. You also keep pointing out that my opinions are mine and not yours or others', which is silly to keep pointing out. We all understand that. You're expressing your opinion, others are expressing their opinion, and I'm expressing my opinion. I don't think anyone's confused there.
If you can't see the hypocrisy of people who claim they're too busy to take a few seconds to reply to a text within 24 hours, yet are posting paragraphs in this thread multiple times per day, then I don't know what to tell you. Or maybe my thread is more important than their friends' or family's texts? You're trying to sound all scholarly about it and overthinking it, thus missing the forest for the trees.
This thread just confirms my biggest "pet peeve" is real--lack of communication, both in personal relationships and at work. At work I have people who wait until the 11th hour to all of a sudden communicate about something that I've reached out to them multiple times without response before, and now they want me to move heaven and earth to accommodate them. It's very frustrating.
Anyway, over and out. Done here.
Well, good luck with your mission to help people have better texting etiquette. It sure won’t hurt if people communicate better.
For some reason I pictured you in my head saying a quote from one of my favorite 80s TV shows
“One man can make a difference”
As a general rule, I reply quickly, if I can't reply quickly I'll reply later by saying I'm sorry but I was busy, if I'm in the middle of a conversation and I know I won't be able to reply anymore I'll just say I'm busy and I will get back to them later.
I find it very rude when people just stop replying, to me it's like if I'm talking with someone and that person just leaves without saying anything.
I find it very rude when people just stop replying, to me it's like if I'm talking with someone and that person just leaves without saying anything.
Same here. I think when someone doesn't reply it means they aren't listening or reading the texts at all. Same with email—a lot of times, people don't respond... it implies that they didn't acknowledge what I had to say. What's even worse if when the person doesn't even check their email... I know so many people who just don't for whatever reason. I have my email AND texts open in the background all the time in case something comes up.
This is a bit outside the topic, but I also get very frustrated when the person I'm talking to turns away from me, because clearly they just don't care about what I have to say... happens a lot
It's even worse on Discord. Servers or PMs. Some people don't reply at all, like literally weeks go by and nothing.
Makes me wonder why I have an account.
Makes me wonder why I have an account.
I just dumped all the inactive servers into a folder. The other ones I'm in are very active.
Don't take it personal there are million reasons why people take time or don't reply. Some people get offended if you text them instead calling so they will ignore you. May be you are texting too late or too early of the day....etc..etc..
For anybody interested, here's an article with some suggestions for managers facing communication problems on their teams:
Tech Holdouts Are Making Life Hell for Their Colleagues
Managers should make it clear when it’s best to email, Slack and Zoom, and that there’s no opting out.
www.bloomberg.com
I know this is a dead thread, but I keep coming back to it now and again. I think it's an important topic. I have several family members who almost never respond (or take a REALLY long time), and then some that respond immediately.
In my experience, family members who don't have "read receipts" turned on are less likely to respond. People that do almost always respond quickly.
I want people to know when I have read their message, so I keep that feature on for everyone, including new contacts. And I always respond quickly (unless I'm busy and can't respond right away). Then, after whatever the obligation is, I will.
EDIT: The other annoying thing is, sometimes I'll be messaging someone (usually the people who don't have "read receipts" turned on and take forever), and they'll only reply to the last message, not all the previous ones. Arrrrgh!!!
idk what the coincidence of showing that the person has read the message and them replying in a timely manner to all messages is, but it's certainly been my experience!
In my experience, family members who don't have "read receipts" turned on are less likely to respond. People that do almost always respond quickly.
I want people to know when I have read their message, so I keep that feature on for everyone, including new contacts. And I always respond quickly (unless I'm busy and can't respond right away). Then, after whatever the obligation is, I will.
EDIT: The other annoying thing is, sometimes I'll be messaging someone (usually the people who don't have "read receipts" turned on and take forever), and they'll only reply to the last message, not all the previous ones. Arrrrgh!!!
idk what the coincidence of showing that the person has read the message and them replying in a timely manner to all messages is, but it's certainly been my experience!
That is interesting.
In any case, I never, ever, ever, have "read receipts" turned on. That is deliberate.
To my mind, it is nobody else's business (but mine) to know when I receive their communication.
Actually, in my experience, people who have "read receipt" on, - and then make a point of letting you know about it - generally tend to make a fuss if you haven't replied rapidly to them, or made responding to them a priority.